One of the hardest parts of going through a hard chapter, in my experience, isn't always the hardest day itself. Sometimes it's the day after. The hours after. The quiet moment when you replay it in your head and start being harder on yourself than anyone else would ever be.

I've been there. A lot.

What I've slowly learned, and I want to be honest that slowly is the right word, is that being kinder to myself is something I've had to practice over and over. It's not something I figured out once and then carried with me. It's something I work on, lose track of, come back to, and work on again.

I wanted to share a few of the small things that have helped, in case any of them land for someone else.

The Hard Thing About Being Hard on Yourself

For a long time, I treated being hard on myself like it was productive. Like the self-criticism was somehow helping me get better, do more, push through. It wasn't.

What I eventually noticed is that the days I was kindest to myself were the days I actually had the most energy to keep going. The days I was hardest on myself were the days I was the most stuck. The math wasn't complicated, but it took me a long time to see it.

Self-compassion isn't soft. It's not the easy path. It's actually the harder, longer practice, because it requires you to interrupt a story you've been telling yourself for years.

Small Things That Have Helped Me

These aren't recommendations. They're just what's worked for me, and I'm sharing them in case any of them are useful.

Writing down who I am. On hard days, I sometimes write a list of my core values, things like creativity, authenticity, the people I love. Reading it back reminds me that whatever I'm feeling in the moment isn't who I am. The hard moments are weather, not climate.

Talking to one person. I used to keep hard things to myself because I was afraid of being a burden. What I've learned is that the right person, a friend, a family member, a therapist, usually wants to know. Carrying things alone tends to make them heavier, not lighter.

A small daily practice. Mine is journaling, but it could be anything: a walk, a stretch, a moment with a cup of coffee where you actually pay attention to the coffee. The specific practice matters less than the consistency of it.

Letting myself rest without earning it. This one is still hard. I grew up believing rest had to be earned, that I had to deserve it. I'm slowly unlearning that.

Asking, "what would I say to a friend?" When I catch myself being hard on myself, sometimes I try to imagine what I'd say if a friend were saying the same things about themselves. The answer is usually much kinder than what I'd been saying to me. That gap is where the practice lives.

The Slow Work of Being Kinder

I want to be honest about the timeline here. Being kinder to yourself isn't a thing you do once and you're done. It's not a hack. It doesn't happen overnight.

It's a slow, layered, repeating practice. Some days you'll be great at it. Some days you'll forget completely. Some weeks you'll feel like you've gone backward. That's not failure, that's just the texture of doing the work.

What I've found is that the practice itself, over time, changes things. The inner critic gets a little quieter. The recovery from hard days gets a little faster. The compassion gets a little more automatic. None of it is fast. All of it is real.

When You Need More Than Personal Reflection

I want to say this clearly, because I think it matters:

Personal reflection is a beautiful thing, and reading a blog post can be a small companion on a hard day. But it is not the same as professional support.

If you're going through something hard, if the hard moments are happening often, or feel bigger than you can carry, or are affecting how you're showing up in your life, please reach out to someone trained to help. Therapists exist for exactly this reason. So do counselors, support groups, and crisis lines.

There is real, specific help available, and you don't have to wait until things are at their hardest to ask for it.

Resources Worth Knowing About

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (US). Available 24/7 for anyone in crisis or emotional distress.
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (US, UK, Canada, Ireland). Free, 24/7 text support with trained counselors.
• SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357. Free, confidential, 24/7 mental health and substance use treatment referral service.
• NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Helpline: 1-800-950-6264. Information, support, and referrals.
• Psychology Today's Therapist Finder: psychologytoday.com/us/therapists — searchable database of therapists by location, specialty, and insurance.

If you're outside the US, Find A Helpline has a directory of crisis and support lines by country.

A Closing Note

The thing I keep coming back to, on my hardest days, is this: being human is a long practice. We don't get it right every day. The goal isn't to never have hard days. The goal is to be a little gentler with ourselves on the days we do.

Whatever you're carrying right now, I hope you have someone to talk to about it. I hope you're being kinder to yourself than you think you deserve. And I hope the practice gets a little easier with time.

— Allison, founder of Re-Route